attitude quotes page 1

140 char,    160 char,    All length

, 45 character

You're not fat, you're just... easier to see.

      

, 141 character

If you see me smiling it's because I'm thinking of doing something evil or naughty. If you see me laughing it's because I've already done it.

      

, 81 character

She wanted a puppy. But I didn't want a puppy. So we compromised and got a puppy.

      

, 72 character

I sometimes watch birds and wonder "If I could fly who would I shit on?"

      

, 93 character

When I call a family meeting I turn off the house wifi and wait for them all to come running.

      

, 121 character

I changed my password to "incorrect". So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say "Your password is incorrect".

      

, 68 character

If someone hates you for no reason, give that motherfucker a reason.

      

, 108 character

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

      

, 56 character

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

      

, 52 character

Early to bed, early to rise makes people suspicious.

      
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