puns quotes page 1

140 char,    160 char,    All length

, 84 character

I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

      

, 60 character

I'm emotionally constipated. I haven't given a shit in days.

      

, 120 character

Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant. Dirty Bastards.

      

, 67 character

How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony? It's not hard.

      

, 73 character

Did you hear about the Italian chef with a terminal illness? He pastaway.

      

, 51 character

What was Forrest Gump's email password? "1forrest1"

      

, 67 character

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

      

, 92 character

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: couldn't concentrate.

      

, 28 character

How did I escape Iraq? Iran.

      

, 50 character

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened.

      
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